Got ready for work and actually made it there....for a 1/2hr. Was a wasted effort if ever I saw one. I still am hurting to the point of tears. Doesn't matter what position I'm in but trying to take calls in that condition doesn't work so well. My brain competely stalled when one call came in and got "thank you" out but couldn't think of any more of my scripting. Needless to say, the poor lady thought she had call idiotsville instead of customer care...lol She was nice enough but I knew right then I wasn't going to make it. There is a certain point where you just can't function very well with that much pain going on. It's like trying to speak softly when you have your music in your headset turned up as loud as it will go. Just doesn't work very well.
I love that I have such a wonderful manager though. She understands when things are too much for me and never ever makes and issue out of it. I honestly am grateful for her and her friendship, she is a deffinate blessing in my life. One of the few bright spots in that whole place too I might add.
So I am sitting here doing mindless activities but they have to be things that engage my mind to distract me from the pain but done require me to think much. I am still wishing dearly to go the emergancy room for some Morphine and finally a break in this pain cycle but I still am trying to avoid it since it would be $1000+ shot....sigh. At least I'm not bursting out in tears tonight. Yesterday was hell for that also since I had no control at all! Freaked out one of our frinds in England and she started sending messages to my kids telling them to get home. She didn't think that Darcy can't drive and could very well freak out herself over it. Or that Lydia was not even in the state. She was at the ROTC compition. I felt bad about that. I was just so miserable and alone yesterday and made the mistake of trying to reach out to people online and whinne to someone who would listen and maybe understand what I am suffering. I realy feel like I'm invisable most of the time. People don't want to talk to me for some reason. The only person who will sit and let me talk about everything I am feeling or going through is my mother. Nothing wrong in that, we are best friends, but I was hopeing at 40 I would be able to branch out a bit more...lol Most days it doesn't bother me but yesterday all defenses were down. Told my husband as much as I wanted him home yesterday was probably better he wasn't. The short time he was, in the evenning, he kind of lost it over the Dr.'s office not bothering to call in my Meds and since it's the weekend my only option was emergancy room. (Again am wishing I could have that luxury) Took a bit to get him to calm down, I'm bawling my eyes out and can't stop, just not a pretty sight. He feels so helpless anyway and there really wasn't anything he could've done except be in the line of fire when I lost it.
I really can't take much more of this. I still feel like I am being roasted alive. Even clothing is setting my nerves on fire. Don't have the option to just be naked, kids are home. <Rats> (Trying to have a sense of humor, really I am trying)
I found this flower thats made out of paper that I'm working on. Found it online when doing my stumbling yesterday to keep occupied. Martin even made one out of napkin. (trust him to have to show me up...lol It is a cute little flower though.) I am trying mine out of old magizines, will be interesting to see how it comes out. Can make a lot of them and make a flower globe to hang from the celing. As long as it keeps me busy and engaged. In fact I need to go do that so I can get more distracted, am loseing the battle for control again, the chest pain is back and I have a bear sitting on my chest. While he is digging his clws in I might add and growling back at him doesn't scare him off...lol
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