I am so angry right now I could cuss a blue streak! Today has been THE worst for joint pain, I have worked all day barely making it through the day. I have spent the day in misery because if inflamed joints that hurt if I move or don't. Or the chest pains. Or the muscle spasms.I had a hell of a time sitting at my desk for the 1st half of the day and only stayed at work because they put me up at work force to watch the call ques and wasn't on the phones. I was able to take my shoes off and put my feet up for awhile. It didn't stop any pain but I was marginally more comfortable for a bit. I make it home and can't sit anywhere but on the couch and when my husband finally comes in to talk to me, even though he knew I was upset and in a lot of pain, he starts snapping at me while we are trying to talk about our oldest daughter. I couldn't make myself clear about the worries I was having about having her move back in with us and he took something I said the wrong way and got rather nasty about it. I know I'm not the only one that will be dealing with her but I am struggling with my health so badly right now I cant imagine having to deal with her everyday and have to get all the appointments set and met. He decided to take it that I was only thinking about me and not that he would be there to help. I know I wasnt making myself clear but I am so muddleheaded right now from pain. He should have thought for one second that he might need to be a bit understanding and just listen for once. Sometimes I cant get things out right and I have to try and explain what I'm thinking and feeling and need some leeway, esp. when in as much pain as I have been. I am so mad and so hurt he didn't just offer to hold me or comfort me in anyway when I needed it most. I am tired of not being able to live my day instead of survive it and I really am having a hard time copping with pain. Right now my whole body is on fire with pain and I have no way to stop it or get remotely comfortable. Every bloody joint is screaming at me; a sharp, stabbing, burning, aching I cant move without it escalating into a roaring torrent kind of pain!
I HATE THIS!
I have to rage at the world and life because I have to live from one pain event to the next and right now I don't get any rest or breaks between!
I try and take care of my husband and family but I cant.
There are some who don't give a damn about what they do and how it will impact me and that makes things worse.
My children are selfish creatures just like their dad with not one thought for the other person or people. I'm tired, very very tired.
I love my family, I really do, but I'm tired of them not understanding what I have to deal with everyday and no one damn well bothers to learn anything about the illness and what it causes. I'm tired of being made to feel guilty because I don't live up to their expectations.
I am so Gad damn tired!
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