what those with chronic pain or illness dont want hear you say.

Found something that I thought should be shared. This article is very true and people need to understand that even if they have the best intentions coments like these are NOT well recieved and can cause emotional pain that will just add to the already over burdened emotional status. Honestly the "true" friends are the ones that just come over and offer to help any way they can, even if it is just sitting with me quietly and chatting about nothing important. Also just listening to me and allowing me to vent my frustration over my health and having no controll is more help than you can imagin. please take a moment and pass this on maybe liking it on Facebook or Twitter so more people will be made aware.


http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201206/what-those-chronic-pain-or-illness-don-t-want-hear-you-say





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Great day at the park!

My oldest daughter spent the night with me to help take care of my grandson. She is special needs and hasn't really done much with him and is a bit scared to touch him, to be honest. She wanted to spend time with me so she came over on fathers day and we went shopping and made my husband a wonderful meal that my son mostly cooked as his gift to him.

 We all had a wonderful time working together to get this meal done and Martin enjoyed it immensely. Darcy helped me take care of Kristian the next day holding him a few times to allow me to do something else. She had fun making faces at him which makes him laugh in such a cute way.

We all, (Darcy, Tristan and I) decided to go to the park and have a picnic. We grabbed McDonald's dollar menu burgers and went to sit on the grass and eat them. Have a fun picture we managed to take with a bit of juggling with the phone to make sure everyone was in it.

Kristian  loved looking up at the trees moving overhead.

We also put him in the stroller and walked a bit allowing Tristan to go play on the jungle gym. We were all hot and tired by the end of the day but it was worth it to get to spend time with my family and be productive for a change.
When Lydia got home from work Kristian was a bit fussy and worn out so we tried to get him set up so he could look at everything like he enjoys doing.

He is more happy being set up on the knee so he can look around. Kristian is very interested in seeing everything and loves to coo and "talk" now. Unfortunately he is also drooling up a storm so a snugly (burp cloth) is required at all times. Of cource grandma loves dressing him up in "appropriate" clothes....

He's such a cutie!

Was such a great day and I'm very grateful that my body allowed me to participate. I did end with some rather bad pain by the end of the day but let me tell you, it was WORTH it! :)



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Starting over

June 5, 2012

Time to update! I am now unemployed after 3 years of giving it my all for a company that doesn't care. I was railroaded and had to stand my ground and quit. I am actually very happy about this since it has taken a load off my back! I feel superbly free and can now do some things that need to be done, like cleaning my house...lol I have been pushing myself to be able to get things done that haven't been touched in such a long time. I am in bad shape physically and am having to medicate myself to be able to do it but I am determined to accomplish "something" in my home rather than in someones business. I have also been helping take care of my grandson so am very happy about that. He is the light of my world and the joy of my heart. I have such a fun time talking to him and cooing at him and my family thinks it is very funny. I just wish that I had a better body to be able to do more with him since I get very tired and things start hurting. Ah well, at least I get him in my life and I am very grateful for that!
Well will have to write more later since sleep meds are kicking in and cant see the screen very well. O.o


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Another bump in the road

Life is so wonserful and faithful to dump as much on you at once as it can. For example, I have one remaining overy so what do I need but a nice big cyst growing on it to make it nice and painful. Makes everyday that much more difficult, as if it werent already hard enough. Dunno what needs to be done about it but its not fun to live with right now, let me asure you. Seems like Im on the fast track to getting old and I havent even been able to "sow my wild oats" so to speak.
Now Im also having to deal with pregnaunt teen who is at risk to deliver early and my father who is in a condition Im not sure I ready to cope with. Feels like like the midlife "hump" is more like an unseen mountain and Im in no shape for rock climbing.
Right now life sucks and I have no option to be able to do the normal copeing since my body is emphatic about turning on me in every way. Being off my "happy pills" for a couple weeks makes my view of things rather dark too.
Am trying to decide if Im going to force myself to go to work today since had a really bad night lastnight and think Im getting sice eventhough I just got off antibiotics for sinus infection...sigh

Another birthday

Well another year has passed and I am distressed to look at everything happening right now. I am to be a grandma...a bit earlier than I had hoped but not much you can do. Lydia is due in March and is well on her way with morning- ahem- all day sickness. She and Jon are now living with us but are not together right now. After a breakneck romance and scaring about 5 years out of me by planning a wedding in 3 months they broke up....
Well Lydia did he is still hopeing. But things here at home are a bit uncomfortable, to say the least. So.....it shouldn't have surprised me that I felt the urge to change my hair.
Sounds harmless enough but trust me this was a day from hell!
Since I am vain about certin things I have bleached my hair. But I decided I wanted to go back to something in between so I got a carmel color and set out to make the change. Well, it didn't go to anything resembling carmel. Instead it turned bright red at the roots out to about 2 inches and then turned steel gray. As you might surmise I was not happy with this outcome so I pulled a fire engin red I had stashed in the cabinet and did my hair again. Lets just say I did a fine impersonation of strawberry shortcake with red roots and PINK hair! I was fit to be tied! And of cource I have a housefull of people to witness my shame. And if that wasn't enough my best friend came by. The only one I NEEDED to see it didn't show up....mom. She has dealt with green hair in her time so wanted to know what to do. /Sigh
Sent husband, who held me while I bawled, out to get the darkest brown he could find to save me from just giving up and shaving my head. I was not well pleased with the outcome, but it wasn't pink. (actally was pink when wet and a nice blueberry when it dried)
Needless to say my ONLY birthday wish was a trip to the hairdressers, which I got. Again showing me the strange tendency to mess up my hair when life gets really bumpy. I do hope I learn that before I'm bald. :D
As soon as I can I will be going the wonderful lady at the beautyshop who will keep my secret and fix my almost melted hair.
The story doesn't end quite there though. Lydia demanded that I color her hair to a dark red that same day. I tried to worn her but, as always, she didn't listen to mom. I applied the hair color but my hand was so tired after 3 of my own that the bottle slipped and sprayed my cream carpet in the hallway hitting my black cat on the way!
Can't get the red out of the carpet but no biggie since we are planning for hard wood floors later. The cat, however, now has some lovely red spots on his back. It is not a day I ever want to repeat.
So here I am, day after turning 40....something and thinking about the stupidness of everyday bumps in life. Can't get away from them so might as well post it in your blog and have a good laugh with the world!

Waste of time

Got ready for work and actually made it there....for a 1/2hr. Was a wasted effort if ever I saw one. I still am hurting to the point of tears. Doesn't matter what position I'm in but trying to take calls in that condition doesn't work so well. My brain competely stalled when one call came in and got "thank you" out but couldn't think of any more of my scripting. Needless to say, the poor lady thought she had call idiotsville instead of customer care...lol She was nice enough but I knew right then I wasn't going to make it. There is a certain point where you just can't function very well with that much pain going on. It's like trying to speak softly when you have your music in your headset turned up as loud as it will go. Just doesn't work very well.
I love that I have such a wonderful manager though. She understands when things are too much for me and never ever makes and issue out of it. I honestly am grateful for her and her friendship, she is a deffinate blessing in my life. One of the few bright spots in that whole place too I might add.
So I am sitting here doing mindless activities but they have to be things that engage my mind to distract me from the pain but done require me to think much. I am still wishing dearly to go the emergancy room for some Morphine and finally a break in this pain cycle but I still am trying to avoid it since it would be $1000+ shot....sigh. At least I'm not bursting out in tears tonight. Yesterday was hell for that also since I had no control at all! Freaked out one of our frinds in England and she started sending messages to my kids telling them to get home. She didn't think that Darcy can't drive and could very well freak out herself over it. Or that Lydia was not even in the state. She was at the ROTC compition. I felt bad about that. I was just so miserable and alone yesterday and made the mistake of trying to reach out to people online and whinne to someone who would listen and maybe understand what I am suffering. I realy feel like I'm invisable most of the time. People don't want to talk to me for some reason. The only person who will sit and let me talk about everything I am feeling or going through is my mother. Nothing wrong in that, we are best friends, but I was hopeing at 40 I would be able to branch out a bit more...lol  Most days it doesn't bother me but yesterday all defenses were down. Told my husband as much as I wanted him home yesterday was probably better he wasn't. The short time he was, in the evenning, he kind of lost it over the Dr.'s office not bothering to call in my Meds and since it's the weekend my only option was emergancy room. (Again am wishing I could have that luxury) Took a bit to get him to calm down, I'm bawling my eyes out and can't stop, just not a pretty sight. He feels so helpless anyway and there really wasn't anything he could've done except be in the line of fire when I lost it.
I really can't take much more of this. I still feel like I am being roasted alive. Even clothing is setting my nerves on fire. Don't have the option to just be naked, kids are home. <Rats> (Trying to have a sense of humor, really I am trying)
I found this flower thats made out of paper that I'm working on. Found it online when doing my stumbling yesterday to keep occupied. Martin even made one out of napkin. (trust him to have to show me up...lol It is a cute little flower though.) I am trying mine out of old magizines, will be interesting to see how it comes out. Can make a lot of them and make a flower globe to hang from the celing. As long as it keeps me busy and engaged. In fact I need to go do that so I can get more distracted, am loseing the battle for control again, the chest pain is back and I have a bear sitting on my chest. While he is digging his clws in I might add and growling back at him doesn't scare him off...lol




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Cry and cry again..

I can't believe how much I'm breaking down. I can't stop the pain and it is just grinding me under. I'm out of pain meds until I can yell at my Dr.'s office on Monday. I know my Dr. is sick but so am I and there should be a better way for us to get our Meds refilled when we need them! I am so angry right now!! I have virtually no control on my emotions, have been sitting here bawling my eyes out because of pain. My husband has been gone all day like he said he wouldn't be so I have been left alone with this Wolf  and it is getting the better of me. Day in and day out nothing but pain. This is wearing very thin. I burn all over. Every joint is swollen and very painful. My sinuses hurt and face feels like I've been hit. I have chest pain that comes and goes. That fells like I have someone else sitting on my chest. The pain meds I do take are not working right now and I wish I could go to the emergency room to get something stronger to knock me out. I fight it as best I can but right now I can't and I'm feeling very alone...



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